"IF A HOUSE IS DIVIDED AGAINST ITSELF, THAT HOUSE WILL NOT BE ABLE TO STAND,"- Mark 3:25
I find it ironic that this is what we are being challenged on today. My hubby and I have struggled many years to learn how to fight fair and well....we struggle still. We both have a lack of self-control at times to 'chill' both of us are tempted often to go from 0 to 60 in 2 seconds. Self-control when anger comes is very hard to tame especially when it hasn't been practiced for years! But lacking self control in fighting brings so much pain not just to the couple who fights but also to those around you. But we will get to more of that later....
Conflict in marriage is inevitable. There will always be areas of conflict when you bring two different people together who live in the same house, sleep in the same bed, and share all the 'adult' responsiblities of bills, food costs, and child-rearing etc. Who ever said growing up was supposed to be fun? I remember my parents telling me that i will wish I was still a kid when I reached their age. Remember we couldn't wait to be grown-ups? Ugh, why? Responsibilties can suck...too put it lightly. Anyway, sorry for tangit. So yea, when we have all these crazy burdens in life n marriage we can't escape tensions especially when u just don't agree or can't find compromise.
Storms of life begin testing at some point in ur marriage, revealing what each of u are really made of. Unfortunatley work demands, health issues, in-law arguments, and FINANCIAL FLARES will at some point drive u too insanity if u let it. No matter what...pressures will come but its how we handle those pressures that will either make ur marriage or break it. But it takes two...both parties need to be in agreement.
Todays dare will not get rid of conflict but with communication, strength, and accountability it can make dealing with conflict in ur marriage healthier. Most of the time in the heat of the moment is when we really blow it. All morals, horrible words and sounds, and all ugliness comes out. This is when most damage is done in a marriage and for some of u it feels like the point of no return! We need to learn to put on the brakes, put up guardrails and put the airbags on before horrible accidents occur. when we argue we need Love to Lead us. We need to remember how valuable our marriage is. So here are some 'we' and 'me' boundaries to help you when conflict occurs. These boundaries should be talked about between both of u but most importantly need to be prayed about.
'WE' BOUNDARIES:
1) WE WILL NEVER MENTION DIVORCE
2) WE WILL NOT BRING UP OLD UNRELATED ITEMS FROM THE PAST
3) WE WILL NEVER FIGHT IN PUBLIC OR IN FRONT OF OUR CHILDREN
4) WE WILL CALL A "TIME OUT" IF CONFLICT ESCALATES TO A DAMAGING LEVEL
5) WE WILL NEVER TOUCH ONE ANOTHER IN HARM WAYS
6) WE WILL NEVER GO TO BED ANGRY WITH ONE ANOTHER
7) FAILURE IS NOT AN OPTION. WHATEVER IT TAKES, WE WILL WORK THIS OUT
With a humbling heart, all these my husband and I have been guilty of and in all honesty...fighting the way we have for years isn't worth the damage it does in the long run. I know in the heat of any arguement its hard to sit down, shut up, and open ur ears. But I do know that when u don't do thos things the damage done to eachother, yourself, and your children is 10 times harder to clean up and heal. This is a weak spot in our home that has gotten better but we still need growth on. We have had many expensive and hurtful arguements...but the pain after when things are settled isn't worth it. It is much less painful to shut up and let ur pride go. Its much less painful to tame ur tongue and open up ur ears.
Now for the 'ME' BOUNDARIES:
1) I WILL LISTEN FIRST BEFORE SPEAKING. "Everyone must be quick to listen, slow to speak and slow to anger" James 1:19
2) I WILL DEAL WITH MY OWN ISSUES UP-FRONT. "Why do u look at the speck in your brothers eye but do not notice the log in your own eye." Matthew 7:3
3) I WILL SPEAK GENTLY AND KEEP MY VOICE DOWN. "A gentle answer turns away wrath, but a harsh word stirs up anger." Proverbs 15:1
The last verse is so true. Its not always what u say but sometimes the huge factor is the tone of ur voice. For some of us...(like my handsome handsome) u r just naturally loud (and u wonder why ur children r so loud..lol) and its harder for u to be more gentle and keep ur voice down. But u need to excercise whispering then. No excuses. Ur tone can set someone off before they even no what ur gonna say. The tone and volume comes out before the word! For others of us, like me, we just need to shut up and close our mouths. Take a few deep breaths and open ur eyes. Let them get there point across...then gently answer.
Let's try and fight fair from this moment on. Don't let conflict destruct ur marriage.
On a personal note, to my husband...I love you and I am sorry for all the wrong ways I have handled conflict. I pray for continuous growth and self control in our marriage. I promise to keep trying to put these boundaries in action. Xoxoxo
THE DARE: TALK WITH UR SPOUSE ABOUT ESTABLISHING HEALTHY RULES OF CONFLICT AND 'STORMS'. IF UR MATE ISN'T READY FOR THIS THEN WRITE OUT UR OWN PERSONAL RULES OF FIGHTING FAIR. RESOLVE TO TRULY ABIDE BY THEM WHEN THE NEXT DISAGREEMENTS OCCUR.
GOD BLESS YOU....PRAYING WE ALL WILL PRACTICE THESE BOUNDARIES. REMEMBER GUARDRAILS ARE PUT UP TO KEEP U FROM FALLING. THEY R A TOOL TO HELP SAVE UR LIFE. STAY WITH IN THE GUARDRAILS.
Good post!! I love this dare :)
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